How Nebraska Saved My Life

So where were we… let’s see, I left off in New Mexico. I liked New Mexico. I liked it a lot. I saw a dog wearing moccasins. New Mexico is the only place where that’s okay.

I drove through the north country, beauty knocking the breath out of me on a minute to minute basis. I drove through a part of Colorado that was blighted by fire a few weeks later, and feel very fortunate to have seen it.  What really sucks is I didn’t pull over for any scenic photos. Too busy driving (tight schedule + a car full of valuables). And when you’re driving, you can only take pictures when the road is straight, empty, and nonthreatening, like this:


I began to notice a pattern.







So I popped in the audio book I’d bought earlier. A very British man began speaking about buttons. How they shined with valor on the man’s jacket… *2 minute description of jacket* … as he stepped off the plane… *10 minute description of plane*  OH GOD, WHAT IS THIS? Why, it’s the most boring audio book ever recorded by man here to aid me in driving across Nebraska! “The Man Who Loved China” is a stodgy tome about a man who wrote an encyclopedia on China. Only, I missed that it was a biography and thought I’d learn something about China. By the second hour, I had instead learned that Joseph Needham was a socialist nudist who rather enjoyed Moorish Dancing. . . . . .








But wait, what’s that on the horizon?

It’s Giant Particle Board Buffalo Bill! Watch as he crushes Fiberglass Buffalo with his painted wooden boot.





And next to Bill…  a Java Stop Drive-Thru!!! After drinking some coffee and petting a fiberglass buffalo, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the rest of Middle America. I threw the hypnotic, life-threatening audio book in the backseat with disdain. And that’s how Nebraska saved my life.

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